Inside Steph's mind

Can of Worms sticker The saying goes "The grass is always greener on the other side."  Another saying goes, "The grass is green where you water it." But how do I water my grass so that it continues to grow?  I think this was a big question for me to consider because it was always like, "Well I know how to clean" but I didn't know that you can't leave it at that. You can't just know how to do it, you have to make it a part of your every day and do it again. And again. And again! Everyone has something to say about that and it can be overwhelming and depressing.  Do this. Do that.  As an auDHD perimenopausal mother in my 40s, I am only now learning how to get my shit together.  No one wants to see you when you're down in it. We want to imagine that there is a good life waiting for us if we could just do XYZ.  The truth is we need to allow ourselves the grace of recovering from burnout and/or PTSD which could take YEARS to recover from.  On ...

Bean Burrito I feel like I've reached the top of a mountain.  My art has always been an extension of my self. Just as my home is an extension of my mind, my art exists as it is.  I have had little time to grow my skills, I've been so busy with babies and self-healing. Heavy burnout & depression made it impossible to create art for long periods of time. But I have persevered. At first asking myself, is this manic? Am I sure? Or did I really reach this plateau where I can be comfortable with myself/my art/my home? When there is nothing left to give we must pull ourselves up from the depths and work harder to get ahead.  For me this looked like at my most burnt out, and frazzled, I made the extra effort to make a bean burrito and put it in the freezer for later.  I saw the burrito later in the week, so tired, hungry and with no executive function to feed myself, I popped that shit in the oven and ate it an hour later.  Somehow that was a revelation for me. I sa...

I read a story a long time ago about a monk who was being chased to the edge of a cliff by a tiger. (I don't know if I'm remembering correctly but this is how I remember it.) With nowhere to go he accepted his fate and just then he noticed a lovely strawberry. He took the moment to pluck it and eat it and savor it's flavor.  Then the tiger ate him. The end. I think it means you should savor life while it's here because the great tiger is out to get us all.  I was eating eggs this morning and was contemplating whether or not I should eat my favorite part first. I realised my whole life (or so it seems) I want to save The Best for Last. It's self-preservation I think. Like if I just get this stuff that I don't like done and out of the way then I can enjoy the best later, better.  But sometimes by the time I get to the part I like it's gone cold. Or I've gotten full.  Such is life. I always thought it was just a suggestion. The idea of eating the best part ...